Over the years, Vir Das has successfully established himself as one of the most loved, funniest and also very sarcastic stand-up comedians in India. He is best known for throwing out jokes, the amalgamation of his wit and intelligence, in the perfect tone at the right time, which prompt audiences to go cracking up endlessly.
Today TSA has brought you a collection of quotes picked from his various on-air performances. The quotes are hit at some Indians, their sickening attitude wherever they go and other infamous personalities out there who meander through same. We are sure, these quotes will not only get you on a roller coaster ride of laughter but also get you pondering on what wrong we are used to in the society.
- Trump’s indifference to Mexicans
“I don’t mean to insult Mexicans. I am just a comedian, not your President”
- FemiNazis against everything about men
“I spoke to a Feminist and she said, “If you want to be a good Feminist, forget how you treat women. Begin with how you view yourself as a man.”
“Because 80% of masculinity is bullshit”
- Indians misusing democracy
“Difference between India and being Indian: India is one of the greatest countries in the world and Indians are messing it up.”
- Mockery of democracy by the Indian establishment
“It’s simple. Comedy is not democratic. But democracy shouldn’t be this bloody comedy either.”
- Hypocrite Indians on racism
“The one thing you must put on your face in our country is Fair & Lovely cream. Guys, it’s racism in a tube”
“We blame this on colonialism, but why? The Britishers were never nicer to fairer Indians, were they? No, only we are.”
- The insignificant word, Please!
“If the advisory says PLEASE, we don’t do that shit! Please wait till your plane has reached the gate before you use your cell phone.”
“Please don’t piss on the walls. “That’s what walls are for. American should be very grateful they share a border with Mexico, not us”
- Mocktail of arranged Marriage and election
“We didn’t choose this guy (Trump). Now we got to live with him…To you Americans, that’s the President; To most Indians, that’s a marriage”
“Donald Trump is your arranged marriage because, in the most literal sense, your parents picked this guy for you.”
- An intro song around the underwear
“We had our own weekly cartoon on television, with the best opening song ever, Jungle Jungle pata chala hai, chaddi pehen ke phool khila hai.”
“I don’t know what is growing inside your underwear, but if it resembles horticulture, call a doctor right now.”
- Indian Govt selling every other thing to Ambani
“If I did Ambani jokes at the starting, they would just buy Netflix. Black Mirror will have a golden border around it. Strange Things will be in Gujarati”
- Bulkiest syllabus to qualify to be a Hindu
“There are four main Vedas. Underneath there are 209 sub-Vedas. This is how studious Indians are. Our first book is 213 books.”
“There is 1 Bible, 1 Quran, Buddhists just have like a tree and pamphlet, that’s it.”
“Fun Fact, if you can read all the Vedas, you aren’t just a devout Hindu, but officially a chartered accountant, apparently”
