20 Quotes Of Steven Wright That Will Make You Laugh

Steven Wright is so well-known in the comedy world that he was named one of Rolling Stone’s 50 Greatest Stand-Up Comics and has received Grammy nominations for his outstanding work. In this article we will be discussing some of the quotes of Steven Wright that will make you laugh. He is recognised for his slow, deadpan delivery of sardonic, philosophical, and occasionally nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived settings.

Steven Wright quotes have become some of the most-quoted comedy material of all time throughout his illustrious career. Steven Wright has been a standout on the comedy scene since the 1980s, and his amazing one-liners and deadpan delivery never fail to make you laugh. We have curated a list of quotes of Steven Wright that will make you laugh. If you need a break from the stress and insanity of everyday life, read these Steven Wright quotes and let laughter heal all your woes.

Take a look at our list of 20 quotes of Steven Wright that will make you laugh:

“My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.”
“The judge asked, “What do you plead?” I said, “Insanity, your honor, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?”
“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
“Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” and I said, “Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so…he’s only 2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.”
“What a nice night for an evening.”
“I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.”
“When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.”
“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”
“If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?”
“I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.”
Image Source: theguardian
“It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.”
“I went to a fancy french restaurant called “Deja Vu.” The headwaiter said, “Don’t I know you?”
“Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn’t going to be on the road an hour.”
“I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.”
“I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.”
“If you write the word “monkey” a million times, do you start to think you’re Shakespeare?”
“In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.”
“I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, “What for?” I said, “I’m going to buy some sugar.”
“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.”
“If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?”

Some of the best quotes of Steven Wright that will make you laugh are mentioned above. We hope you find this article enjoyable. Let us know your feedback in the comment section below. Also, do mention your favorite quote of Steven Wright.